Biggest Loser: Makeover week

SO I'm watching Biggest Loser. Today was my own personal weigh in as well. I am a bit of a product fiend. SO because I follow BL so much, I have Biggest Loser Workouts, Gum, Water Bottles, and even the DS Lite Biggest Loser game. It's nice, it has a calorie counter for both food and burned calories and it reminds me to weigh in each week. Frustratingly, In week 1 I lost none, week 2 I lost four and Week 3 I have gained 1. So in three weeks.. I've lost three pounds.

Seeing all these people on Biggest Loser on Makeover week and watching them go shopping and listening to them talk about how pretty they look makes me SO very Jealous. I don't know how to explain it. I should be happy for them.. And I am!! I am happy for them! I'm just Jealous too. I have no help. I tell my parents about losing four pounds and it's a head nod. I tell them hey! Work out with me, and they just kind of shrug me off.

I just don't know how to keep myself motivated without others. I'm so.. horribly dependent. I need others on the ride with me. No one wants too though. I spend so much time and energy trying to convince others to come with me, to do this with me.. that I wear myself out. I can't keep it up on my own. I need help and I need friends that want to work out and want to eat right. I just.. can't find any.

I have my husband, but he puts off working out. " If you just wait a moment I'll work out with you" He's sincere... but he's also a procrastinator. By the time a minute has gone by for him.. it's 5 am and we still haven't slept.

On top of this I'm still having problems with my shoulder and hip, which keeps me up even more at night. I think I sleep maybe three or four hours a night. I know sleep is important to weight loss, but even with the 800 mg ibuprofen I have for pain it doesn't help. I just lay there awake and uncomfortable. Sometimes my sister ( A Licensed Massage Therapist ) helps me out. It lasts a couple of days at most and then I'm hurting again. It's like when the pain is off for a few days and then comes back I feel it more. I have bruises on my right thigh and my right forearm too that I don't know where they came from. I have no insurance I don't know what to do. I can go to the indian clinic in Oklahoma but.. that takes money I don't have.

Sorry for the rant. Biggest Loser really brings out my concerns about weight loss. My father is now on a cpap machine, my mother is pretty sure that she's going to never lose weight. She's stopped trying really. She just keeps telling me " We'll just go for surgery.. we don't have the time to do it on our own. " No one has faith in me, no one wants to work with me.. I have to do it on my own. I just don't want to.. I want to do it with someone.

I missed out on everything... I didn't get to dress nice EVER. In a way that made me feel good. I didn't get to wear my first pair of jeans until highschool and that's only because I discovered Lane Bryant.. A specialty store. I just.. want so bad to lose weight and I can't even make it past these first four pounds! SO AGGRAVATING!!! Anyway. The Biggest Losers Al look utterly amazing! Especially Michael I think he's already a hottie and he says he still needs to lose more. He weighs less than I do now. Congrats to all the Biggest Losers on their Makeover night!!